Have you ever been caught off guard by what someone observed about you? Perhaps they described a version of you, or a particular aspect, that didn’t align with your view of yourself. Moments like these can result in a range of feelings, from anxiety and frustration to surprise and curiosity. Often, this other person has pointed out a figurative ‘blind spot’: something about you that you haven’t been able to see clearly.
A friend might casually refer to you as ‘the quiet one’ in the group, even though you’ve never thought of yourself that way. A romantic partner might note, unexpectedly, that you’re quick to agree to what others want. Or a colleague could reveal that people at work find you intimidating. Examples such as these represent blind spots to the extent that they are both surprising to hear and reflect something true about you.
I’ve seen this kind of reveal happen in real time, in a therapy group for students that I run at our college counselling centre. In one session, Nathan* presented in his typical, assured manner, offering support to other group members as they talked about the challenges they were going through. I noticed another member watching him intently and invited her to disclose her thoughts. She expressed feeling ‘useless’ to Nathan. ‘He seems to have it all together,’ she said. ‘We can’t offer him any help.’ Other members nodded in agreement. Nathan seemed surprised, but engaged. He was starting to recognise something about his willingness to be vulnerable – something he had not seen himself.
One classic model for thinking about self-awareness and how it relates to others is the Johari Window. Introduced in 1955 by the psychologists Joseph Luft and Harrington Ingham (whose first names, combined, form ‘Johari’), the model describes four quadrants, like four sections of a window.
Everyone has blind spots. After all, we see ourselves and our intentions from the inside out, others experience us from the outside in, and those views cannot be perfectly in sync. Of course, not everyone will perceive you the same way, or with the same clarity, so blind spots are also somewhat subjective. We have to be careful in deciding whose views to take seriously.
As a psychologist, I’ve witnessed the long-term value of facing and understanding the unfamiliar aspects of ourselves. Sometimes, learning about a blind spot is relatively pleasant, even if it’s challenging to wrap your mind around. If you struggle to view yourself positively, you might not see how competent or kind you really are until someone brings it to your attention. In other cases, learning about a blind spot is uncomfortable, and might provoke a defensive response (That can’t be true, I’m not like that…) One of my roles as a therapist is to help clients understand how they might be affecting and coming across to others without their awareness. This can be disarming.
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